Today is the 24th February 2014. I'm blogging at the hospital while waiting for my turn to see the doctor. Tired from sleeping too much, oh, how ironic is that...

Sometime back, during Chinese New Year, I was having dinner at my Mom's and only my sister, her husband and me was seated around the table. Talking bout having a baby and stuffs. And we came to the pain factor when in labor, and she said firmly and without hesitation at all,'敏敏一定可以的'. She meant, I could definitely pull through without the epidural. I'm not so sure myself, but I'm genuinely touched that she had so much faith in me. Yes, having gone through twice of extracting my own bone marrow was no joke, but I've never really compared the pain factor of both. I mean, the pain you feel is close but definitely at different parts of the body. I, too, hope that I could pull through without epidural. But that's for me to think about only when the time comes for me to have a baby. Would I ever have one? It's a lot to consider and sacrifice come to speak of it, if it haven't been for my medical condition perhaps I would be ready for one already. And perhaps, I would have made it to New York already. 

New York, so much emotion over these two words. Longing to go for what... About five years now? And I still couldn't make it. I wouldn't take no for an answer on this one, I want to go, and I will go, it's only a matter of time when having enough money and having a travel partner comes together to fit the perfect picture nicely. 

I'm reaching an age of a quarter of a century, as far as I know, if I don't start on the things I wanna achieve, there ain't enough time for me to do it no more. 

I know what I want in life, do you? 

I'm pretty sure there are a handful of people around that doesn't know what they want. And they simply follow the 'standard procedure'; study, graduate, find a job, get a girlfriend, be married, have kids, and wait for retirement and die. I don't want that, I wanna achieve big things, no, definitely not career wise, life wise. I wanna be able to do the things that inspire me the most, that make me so determined. Despite certain unexpected circumstances, I still know what I want. It's only a matter of proper management of your life. And it doesn't matter if I finally get to achieve it before I die because at least, I gave it a shot, no matter how many obstacles stand in my way and no matter how many people tell me it's not gonna be easy. I tried and I never gave up, it stays in me, progressing slowly but surely. At the very least, I have a dream, I've got a goal to hit, I... know what I want. 

Sad that the people around me doesn't realize the burning passion I have and the disappointment I get from failing to go to New York time and again. Perhaps I don't really show it, and the disappointment doesn't stays long. Because I get up on my feet soon enough and continue pursuing my dream.

They might even cheer with joy that I'm not able to make it, but that's okay, I still love them, because I know why and what made them act like this. 

Everything is gonna get better, I believe... :)